Some of us feel or are lonely, but...

Isa 53:8 He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for HE was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.

This seems to apply for Jesus, and hurts my eyes.

I remember Nicolas, a man whom I met in those streets, who felt alone and left that house it was not his home. I remember his tears, and how he cried and hugged Elizabeth, telling us his sad story. Who knows Jesus? Who wrote about His deepest feelings, except about His remanrkable deeds and teachings.

I´m glad that “Lazarus” can´t see down here (Luk 16:23). I´m glad they´re ceased and passed away, because it is said: Lukes 16:25 "Abraham replied, 'Remember, my child, that you had a life filled with good times, while Lazarus' life was filled with misery. Now he has peace here, while you suffer.

I´m happy with my share, I have lived and I haven´t lost hopes on somethings God and Jesus know. I had children. Joshua was (or is) the one I missed more, but he deserves his life and his living, and I plan to be here to help him walk, as long as I can and, the same applies for Joy, Elisha and Alexangerla (the one I enjoy now).

One of my brother is childless and, sometimes He shows his affection to them in the streets that I told him the story of a friend, whose uncle had legal problems in Washington, just by being accused like a child molester (Venezuelan culture is open to show some affection Saxon avoid).

Some people feel they are alone even in the company of those they don´t see that missed love. They don´t know how to manage or be cherished, because you are too far, unreachable, an a picture or a phone call cannot do what a hug deserves, a touching of arms heal, and a frank and direct eye talk can say to your lonely soul: I know it because I have lived it.

Our soul, our mind, lies, sometimes. The person who loves is just there and the waving of a tail, the welcome of a dog or a cat is not that thing you need, not the phone call of a distant children nor the text message received saying: “I love you”.

Who knows how God feels?

Who knows how Jesus felt?

Could He feel the warmest hug of a woman?

Could He enjoy the love of that “sinner” who poured perfume over His head (and body) using her hair to wipe her fault out?

That was pure love.

I had no other way to see it to think it.

Last week I went for shopping.

On my way I thought I´ve seen someone I really loved. It was a crowed boulevard and I thought I wasn´t daydreaming.

I let my feelings go.

I allowed my eyes to see what I wasn´t seeing.

I stopped to look at her eyes. I wanted to know she was as happy as I was, meeting her without a date.

I asked: Do you want me to hug you or say just “Hello”?

I stared at my mind.

I knew it is love, but it´s not.

There were more people than I thought I could see.

I kept on walking and each time I was to cross a corner, the traffic light was red... Three times! (So I knew there was a lesson to stop)

I am not alone.

I´m plenty of love to give (but it´s not my time)

and I´m happy the life I lived.

P.S.

Just listen to the song “FEEL” of Robbie Williams.

Come And Hold My Hand.
I Want To Contact The Living.
Not Sure I Understand
This Role I´ve Been Given.

I Sit And Talk To God
And He Just Laughs At My Plans.
My Head Speaks A Language
I Don´t Understand.

I Just Want To Feel Real Love,
Feel The Home That I Live In.
´cos I Got Too Much Life
Running Through My Veins,
Going To Waste.

I Don´t Want To Die,
But I Ain´t Keen On Living Either.
Before I Fall In Love
I´m Preparing To Leave Her.

I Scare Myself To Death,
That´s Why I Keep On Running.
Before I´ve Arrived
I Can See Myself Coming.

I Just Want To Feel Real Love,
Feel The Home That I Live In.
´cos I Got Too Much Life
Running Through My Veins,
Going To Waste.
And I Need To Feel Real Love,
And A Life Ever After,
I Cannot Give It Up.

I Just Want To Feel Real Love,
Feel The Home That I Live In.
I Got Too Much Love
Running Through My Veins,
To Go To Waste.

I Just Want To Feel Real Love,
In A Life Ever After.
There´s A Hole In My Soul.
You Can See It In My Face,
It´s A Real Big Place.

Come And Hold My Hand.
I Want To Contact The Living.
Not Sure I Understand
This Role I´ve Been Given.
Not Sure I Understand.
Not Sure I Understand.
Not Sure I Understand.
Not Sure I Understand

Reply to: "Older women and younger men"

Allow me to tell, according to my experience: I never like older women. Today youngs, both men or women, try to learn from the older ones and, in the case of women, some may call her cougars (I don´t know why) except that having younger people by sides makes you to feel younger. 

Tina Turner may call that "successful", like many others who has got what they like and, ALL are free to get the parner any could be given (GOD-GIVEN) but I can assure what I have heard from the people I have met is sordid. 

What do I have in common with a teen? 

What do I have in common with a foreigner in a remote country I cannot walk in her culture or economy? 

LOVE seems to be a need EVERYWHERE, but the commonwealth of ideas, likes, and a bunch of things do matter to make it successfully; because beauty and health may fade away. 

Older people can be ill-biased. Teens are those who risk themselves to start a new relationship at ease, and I had a forty-niner friend who married 5 times (From USA, by the way). 

Marriage has to be given by God. It´s not based on beauty, a nice roof richly kept or sex. It´s a miracle to find one and a miracle to be found. 

So I remember those words Jesus said about "the eunuch"...

What kind of friendship do you expect to find or BUILD?

A quick "made" friendship is not so. It´s not an enduring one or anything worthy to be mentioned as "friendship". I´m, for example, need no visa to visit your country to visit or meet you there, except money (as all people need) so, a real good friendship HAS A PRICE some or any has to pay.

What do YOU have to make it priceless or worthy to keep (and how I help it be)?

Both have the disadvantage of English and not having a computer normally connected to Internet. In fact, I don´t have electricity at home.

What social group will your friendship be TARGETTED? (Just a direct question) Because not many people are gregarious, but SELECTIVE, to avoid using the right word I know when you are accessing people you don´t belong, whether for culture, beliefs, social or economic status... (Just saving you the lesson I learned the hard way).

Some times people will not respond those PMs. Many BADLY dislike been said: "Hello, I am me". But you will tell me later on, if you are please.

If you seek a friendship, keep on laying those bricks of goodness, Be real and BE YOU!

On the PM you sent (to me) we can talk "privately". I can give you my P.O. Box address if you die to write down snail mails (conventional and "traditional" letters). In Venezuela they come so slow, but e-mails save BOTH time and money (I´m poor, and I don´t care you are the Queen of Russia).

He! He! (But you can see I DO CARE).

Welcome and I hope this secular guide lines serve you a bit.

God bless you!

“A new commandment I give you..." (John 13:34)

It is easy to ASK it when the ONE asking is not giving you anything, but an order. Let me tell you this: Why are many people leaving God or Jesus? Because they were seeking a thing they haven´t found in HIm or through HIm (and just reminding Him the prayer I have with HIm today).

A relationship needs adjustment. To love another I need to LOVE me first and, if I find nothing on the other side (I mean the divine realm) I probably go another place. That`s happening to many people.

I´m asking GOD a miracle for this sunday. I´m asking Him a thing I lack and I´m making noise to be heard. I spent some years being "nice", although I developed some hate to my staying here without electricity, spending long night alone doing nothing in the darkness I made for not having electricity in my home, the plae where I´m secluded for not being part of those who I don´t belong, if He misses me, if He pays no attention, I don´t care about that eternity spent doing nothing, except being mute while other have they share, while I live like a prisoner of my failures, not giving anything my children will remember from me, when I´m eternally gone.

How could I love them not showing that love? How could I give, if scarsely I get something to my daily food? And they need shoes, clothing... and I see how pastor lacked what it could be given to enjoy one more minute of this earthly life.

God!: Show me ONE MORE TIME I can trust you for the impossibles. I´m not plenty of time to build what I couldn´t build...

That´s my today´s prayer.

Sexual Materialism

I couldn't stop myself from writing a thing about this: Today someone who grew with me asked me if I would woo someone he would have flirted first before being “engaged” with someone he doesn't like.

The thing sounded me sour (as a teaspoon of salt).

Some time ago he told me he was about to be related to someone who is older than he is... The reason sounded me creepy and materialistic, as he himself lightly acknowledged that day; but this time he invited me to flirt to a friend of his old girlfriend.

I know there are Internet sites to match with your interests, your life goals -even for sex- but I believe in genuine love or some kind of real affections that are not linked to monetary reasons -sort of business- on this highly secularized search of the opposite sex. He met her somewhere in the streets. He doesn't use Internet but his friends...

He told me that person he mentioned is younger than the one he has. He said she is the owner of an apartment and an office in Ccs, and that she is not as rich as the one he now dates; because the one he flirts (in common consent) owns some real state in Spain, Dominican Republic, and here in Venezuela. Is she aware of buying “friendship”?

Doesn't this sound like male prostitution?

Will you buy friendship (or love) with some wealth?

Five decades served me right to see money is as convenient as a loving person willing to be loyal; but love and friendship were not to be sold or begged.  Did they?  Was I too blind too see it that way?

I know I sought, before being a Christian, nice looking ladies, illicit or free sex; but I thought people grew up to seek healthy characters, a loving personality, someone to cling someday because that person  is willing to love and care genuinely.

He is not Christian, but I think he is close to a “convenient” state of prostitution... I don't know hers! (one pays, the other agrees to receive some money).

It is not a secret old men and women like young people. I know some like to lure them away, but I won't pay for love and much less for lusty sex. Why do people insist on those faults? I'm not blind! But I will run from that type of lurking ways.

Yes! I'm shocked.

I believe in the genuine attraction of people. More than that, I believe God could lead me to the right person, and not following the convenience of my selfish heart or the emptiness of my pocket.

Wow! That's male prostitution.

Absolutely!

I know he has paid for the favors he has received from young girls or ladies, but he seems to be doing the opposite thing now.

Is this happening in your culture too?

I know we don't live immersed in a Christian culture; but I don't think this is happening ALL over the world. I know we had wrong motives when being out of God's ways, but it's hard to believe this evil is widely spread, even inside the family or friends.

I thanked God that my children aren't misbehaving like that. I checked they don't like porn, although they're not dating girls with the exact commitment to be utterly married... Yes! I did wrong and much more than them; but I had the mindset that dating someone was to be married, someday.

Just letting these thoughts flow!

Do you have an idea to share here?

A. Toro

Inspiring movies. (Sept. 2013)

Last night I could watch 3 movies I borrowed from my friend pastor Eduardo three weeks ago. I came to Ccs for my mother´s birthday and had the chance to turn on one of my PC to enjoy myself watching: a) “The secrets of Jonathan Sperry” (www.SperryMovie.com) b) “The freedom writers’ diary” and c) “Our Lady of Victory” (2011)

• The secrets of Jonathan Sperry gave me some ideas useful to preach or to work with young people; but I actually lack his facilities, the neighbourhood and some resources… I could work on that, but my “target” is quite different (just in case I take my own ideas to be adapted to my vicinity).

• The freedom writers’ diary is one of those movies I wish I could keep at hand to study it frequently. I will do my research later on and, obviously, it has its racial background, some Jewish scent helping to back up their “local” segregation, but that serves very well to show –according to the movie- how USA could be dealing with the their social problems (which seem to be rooted on economical opportunities, equal rights, educational needs and more cultural things I cannot feel (or guess) since I don´t live there in those States).

• Our Lady of Victory is based on a true sport history. I watched the deleted scenes and these had some elements Catholic people would see as “offensive”, like nuns dancing… :P  They showed some real film records of the Immaculata college’s success and the way they wore “tunics” as their uniform to play basketball…

What I liked more of these two last movies (a thing that shocked my attention) was the clear contrast between two opposite situations: 

a) Ms G. (Hilary Swank) faced divorce while teaching high school, while blessing and leading others´ life. 

b) Cathy Rush was married to a man who often played basketball, one who really knew team working, and backed her up to accomplish her job.

What I´ve found inspiring on these videos is easy to understand (if you yourself watch them) but, regarding the family, those we would like to get or ever have, could be quite different if we were married with the wrong person, unequally yoked.

What kind of a spouse would you like to be?

I don´t know the passion each person has. It could be professionally developed on your job daily or lovingly worn at home, with your loved ones; but some secretly have it and some sadly feel they miss it.

On those movies the passion for a job were exaggerated, perhaps unrealistically or naively; these examples are not impossible and could cause any some splits, divorce, emotional loneliness filled with the emptiness of frustration, which usually comes when someone is not achieving his/her personal goals, these that are thought to be found at marriage or in a love relationship. 

At The freedom writers’ diary movie a man leaves her woman. At Our Lady of Victory another helps his spouse to win with her team. What kind of man do you like to be with? Which of these you are alike?

I understood Ms G.´s husband wanted a hommie woman, just for him, when he came anytime home. On this case, the character of the man Hilary Swank might have married looked selfish, self-centred, and served her enough to chat about her day and to please that H.S. teacher who devoted long hours working outside but, contrasting both movies, coach Cathy Rush married a man with similar professional likes (basketball), this accepted her freedom of choice and understood the personal need she had to work outside home (I like the way she dealt with his feelings when he felt jealous, since she mentioned the time she gave him attending some of his matches, when playing basketball).

Which of these two men you identify with, as husbands? Which of these two girls/women would you like to marry?

I think –if I were married- I wouldn’t like to get one spouse who often comes back home late. I see all of us, as humans, need self-respect, healthy admiration and some kind of personal achievements; but I don´t need (nor like) anyone who behaves bossy or lives too busy (that´s the hermit in me).

Inside de DVD I saw some enjoyable pictures and a tiny video of the class of the freedom writers. The movie has updated very fitly the amount of the Afro-Americans, the Latinos and the Asian attending classrooms somewhere else there. Will you mind to compare the picture of that class in 2006? 

Surely you will agree on the positive side of the critics to racism. The English version doesn´t have some words I heard on the Mexican version. Some Afro-Americans said, in the Spanish version, “they came first”. What about the ancient American Indians and its banished cultures? (Is their fate similar to the Amalekites, Canaanites, etc.?)

My concern it is that I´m black and Latin European. My grandparents were Italians, Spaniards and my father’s mother was black and white. I was raised in the house a Native American built with my grandmother. He reluctantly accepted my dad, and later on accepted me, not having his own blood. Is it a race we lacked? Do we know who we biologically belonged? God is absolutely different! A man is jealous for each man. We naturally see others as potential enemies, because we don´t equally belong to the kingdom of God. 

I know the country and the place where I was raised, but I don´t belong them. There was a time I could boast at that citizenship I freely received, but I long for Christ´s. I know who I was, the things I did and enjoyed, but I am not to imitate those things I had and now regret. As Christian, I am like you, as you are like me. Where are those rights I would claim above any?

As an outsider, CC looks multicultural and interdenominational. The world, as far as I can see it, is the same; but I know its limits, its borderlines, i.e.: “Do not send me PMs”, “Do not write to me unless I know you”, etc. Do they really serve to stop creepers or weirdoes?  Ha! Ha! (I received one of those stupid things creepers write to woo on CC).

I know I lack God´s love to approach people. I don´t know how to change this world I live, but Jesus knows. The lesson that classroom gave me is love, and it cost any time and pains. Here in Venezuela we live with the same hate; it is not racial, but social. The political resentment is used to keep their “leading” role to get access to amounts of money. Public agencies and the media are used to maintain the ideological influence the hypocritical communist stills to stay in the government, same way they worked in Germany, the URRS and Vietnam. The local war has begun to find food, to invade and seize private property when expropriating factories and the land that were used to produce enough meat and food. Here is the dictatorship of mediocrity!

How long does it take to be widely spread? God knows! But next Third World War has begun in the minds of those who don´t see this far more. 

Syria is not my local war, same way Venezuelans should be concerned on our social issues first: We need God to rule from within.

Just see how you would react: In a narrow prophylactic scope, let it be allowed to ask How would you deal with Aids and the people who are infected with more evil diseases? No matter the colour of their race, stop thinking about their social status or cultural background, but at the potential risk of these diseases spread which see no face to pollute (and the way to spare your life from being infected by this and other contaminating factors related to sins). Don´t you shrink like me? What is your deciding attitude toward worldwide secularism? What is your standpoint when this openly threatens your life, your family´s welfare or nation? We all let sin to be spread. It´s just taking its toll on conventional sinners.

The movies are inspiring but this last questions are painfully shocking, aren´t they?

Just leave anything you like… (like prayers, for example).

A.T.

Elder son.

Last night I spoke with Josh. It´s been years since we haven´t had time for free sharing. He told me things I didn´t know. He has grown up enough to take care of his life and now he seems willing to teach me, each time he sees he can.

I gave him some tips. I don´t want him to be a dad before getting a profession, and he agreed. He introduced me to one of his girlfriends (I don´t know how many he has got) but this is simply nice looking and I knew nothing about her, except she sleeps wholeheartedly with him. She´s not older than 20 and, if I were her dad, I wouldn´t like to have my daughter sleeping with anyone who haven´t married her.

I told him to take care of her loving. He said she cares herself to avoid pregnancy but I said he is responsible too, that I would use shields if I were him.

I don´t want him to leave babies or women alone, but I can´t do anything. Today young people split and start new love affairs that easy, that I don´t want to think who could be the real father in a messy life anyone could be living.

We spoke on some hopes and dreams a girl (or women) could have. Chances are that many will be passed by at pregnancy, since this affects both woman and man. We seldom know the biological father in a messy life, except when asking DNA tests. Sadly I know there were fathers who were not the real ones and the joy they once felt, faded when knowing the truth of a cheating spouse.

Josh has lived more than I. When I was his age I lacked his experience. I lacked God too, because it was a wild living I got. I pray his life be changed for God´s, for his life´s benefit and I´d love to see him changed. Elisha needs the same turnout, their mother needs to come back to God´s ways to heal their home.

Alcohol or tobacco were not my vice. I knew no drug, except that of “free” sex, lying for pleasure with this cheating tongue. Two or three times I felt drunk, but these guys of mine are living too fast, a way I don´t understand. That´s their life!... They need to live it up to see God´s light.

My dad was not Christian. He left my life alone in my grandmother´s hugs, so I knew from my faults and mistakes. I seldom shared deep feelings or ideas with him at childhood. We had no time to share, and I disliked the time he spent reading his newspapers. I wish he had given me that time, but it was “his” time (not mine).

I wish I could coach my children somehow: My daughter pays so little attention, she wants money instead; And Elisha has his own ideas... I don´t care they don´t need me! I´m happy they are their own. They need to learn alone, but I wished I could help them.

I cannot blame any other person, but me. Divorce brings communicational ruptures I cannot mend and it´s reluctantly “Ok”. There´s no point at crying when the milk has spilled from my hand.

If I were “home” I would not let Joshua or Elisha to sleep with their girlfriends. I guess they have had several mates in a simple year. Joshua told me he thought to pay a whore while he was alone, during 9 months... I told him I never paid for that kind of sex. I could have paid something to have a company who was not companionship, but it wasn´t love either. I recommended him not to do so: My concern is spiritual. Morally, a sin is sin.

I thought he could see life briefly from my standpoint. I told him I bypassed many girls who could have been good wives, but sex got me blind. I was wrong (I´m wrong) but I can´t tell him what to do, except God, in his heart.

These girls he has are not seeking money, but pleasure. I told him someone of 50 wanted to marry a girl of 16... Josh acknowledged that man was wrong and said those girls he has found are sex machines... I agreed! I´ve seen too many parents allow their children use “homes” as “Hotels”... My advice to Joshua was the same for that man, and I said that was not real love; because I have read of men who have killed those kids when they found them cheating. Cheating could be found out on both, men or women. Christian or pagan unbelievers have too many fantasies. Is there no way to stop sinners? There is ONE (I´m a sinner) but we´re unwilling to stop it.

This weekend I went out with one of my ex-gf. She invited her daughter and a friend to have a walk in a mountain. Before we were finished, she saw I was sending text messages to someone I was wooing and made a joke, so I said: “I have to take care of those I have”.

When leaving, after an hour or so, she sent me a text message thanking me for the time we shared and telling me “...she was willing to have another meeting, but alone, if I was pleased”. I said “she is married...”, and she quickly talked back telling me “...she has some freedom in marriage. She closed that chapter of her life with me...” but it took me two decades to realized I was unwilling to turn those pages she said she turned; and that last encounter served me to close the book I was writing in my mind, so I partially said: “It is me who had problems to understand I don´t need your friendship”. I said to myself.

A pen friend I had said it well... There are men and women who like to have more friends than they need and “some like to have extramarital issues”, but I don´t need friends, except only one.

Joshua told me he had a friend who told him about his love affair with a rich woman. She paid his friend everything he needed or wanted... Fortunately (for that mother and woman) Josh´s friend started to woo the daughter of her mate and, any moment, the mother knew he was a cheater... Any day she appeared at the man´s family house and told them the kind of man he has been during their relationship and all the things she bought for him... That reminded me the writing of a friend who wrote “La prostitución como alternativa” (Prostitution as alternative) I think I should get it translated! (Haven´t I done it yet?)

Joshua knows money is an issue to be “safely” engaged. He cares as much as he can. He is clear he needs more money to build his home (Thanks God! He is more responsible than I was).

I left Carol and MP. I don´t want these lessons to be reminded by more sad experiences. I just left them to avoid repeating those mistakes I made: I knew whom I like, but I was blind to keep this life alive.

What I forgot to tell you, my son, it´s do not trust you more than God. You may think you are right, but time will tell you are or were wrong. Do not trust your eyes, your feelings nor people´s. Do not trust your thoughts, your body shape and its strength today. Trust God, not you!

The very day you stop believing you to trust in God (and His chosen one) your life will be changed and things be turned to favor you.

You will not find the best woman without His help. They could love you as much as they can, but you need Him to love her the way she is to get the one that could be gotten. You need faith in Him, not in you or your ways to walk life. I can´t teach you this I´m learning. I lived your way, and I was wrong (and was wronged). What would happened if you have gone to pay a whore? What´s wrong when you use people you don´t love to get sex?

Don´t miss the person you may have wanted to keep your whole life. Don´t sleep with those you would not commit yourself to be married. I wish God gives you the ONE you have liked to love.

I tried to tell him healthy relationships need God in between. Those who left -after a split- didn´t find what they liked or what they seek. There is not a safe way to keep what does not belong. I see people leave God, somewhere and somehow. How much will I leave those I don´t love for being cheaters or false the way I was and used to be? I said I´m not better than a dozen and not worst than hundreds.

Children will not keep you to your wife´s love. Money cannot buy your dreams neither other´s. Many are around wooing at any who could dare to smile. Coveting is a sin we pay too little attention sometimes.

Beauty has drawn you to girls and, same way they go to those whom they like (for the same pleasure or desire) there´s no a safe way to keep those you may cling to. That depends on your will, their will and your decisions.

I tried to tell him love is not sex. “Man cannot live on bread alone...” We need God´s direction and to be modeled by His perfect will.

He knows his giving and receiving. At his age I wasn´t like that, so I´m glad for the things his mother might have told him. He knows the importance of money. He is not stingy and has learned from other sources outside me.

I pointed out the broken relationship I had with his mother. He has learned from hers more than mine. There was a time I felt jealous when someone his mother had got his attention away from me. I don´t remember how long it was -more than a while- and Elisha joked at him for that, several times... That hurts! It often happens when we´re divorced, so I wish to spare him that pain.

We don´t say it aloud, but something happens when you have a brother (or a sister) who has a different mother or father. Many have learned to love the right way, but I belonged to the minority who experienced that kind of rejection from my Mom while many learned it from their Dads.

What have you felt when meeting your mom embraced in other man´s arms?

What do you feel when you see your dad kissed another woman who is not your mom?

What have you felt when your ex-gf (or boyfriend) kisses another?

My elder son has his own ideas. He told me he was watching “to see who was the best girl he finds”. He disliked some have tried to change him... I said they did it for love, for his benefit, not selfishly to get him into a trap. I said tobacco is a drug; and those girls who asked him to stop that habit did it well. I didn´t have chance to tell him: “the best thing in world you could give a girl is you” because there were interruptions... I didn´t know how to tell him he is the possessor of everything he could give a woman who has accepted him -the way he is- to help him change WITH LOVE and for love.

He is like me when talking. He wanted to be heard, and I gave him that attention he asked. He was limited in time, he planned to leave early next morning, so I was given a borrowed time he could have spent with his girlfriend, laid in a bed... What were those things hindering me to keep my child? Think about you! Is your ex-spouse jealous for the relationship you´ve got with your children?

Joshua asked me to open a new mail account for FB. I didn´t ask why he wants them anew. I may infer he wants to leave his past behind, because there are more ways to keep present updated. Let´s say he wants to settle down and felt hindered to tell more while his time was running faster than mine.

Within a week he goes back to his military service. I said I never went there because I haven´t found citizenship at this country I was born. I avoided to be screwed up by their patriotic lies since I do not believe I´m Venezuelan while I admired him for his character, responsibility; because he comes to work, instead of enjoying his days off (I would enjoy myself to rest; but he comes to make money, so he clearly understands the price he pays for his living).

I needed a good turnout to start leaving things and names behind.

I´m happy my son has found some human release. That´s not the Christian way, this is not how it should be, but it is his: I was worst!

Enduring love comes from the Eternal source of love: God´s. Perhaps Joshua is wrong on few or more things than I am, but he is right to live his life to learn from it.

Samson chose to love people outside his people. I have found out there are differing and different beliefs within the same denomination, you believe one thing and I see another; so I don´t see clearly who talks with her heart when using the tongue our social life has styled. I´m so far from God´s standards that I failed my whole life.

It´s easy to expect other people pay the price we have to pay for the things we receive or those we´d like to be receiving. This is selfish. It is us who have to pay the price for being loved. I´m selfish and egotist too, each time I´m expecting God to do it for myself. Can I play the piano without using my hands? Does a guitar play its notes without anyone putting his/her fingers on different strings?

I cannot write a poem from emptiness. Love has its music to be played. Does an unwilling mouth sing love music without its feeling?

Emotions are self-centered. Misunderstanding may affect long-term relationships so I have to learn the music some feelings like.

I don´t like salsa music played. I can´t dance what I disliked or hate. I´m stubbornly convinced of the things I like or believed. Each persons is who she/he is. No one is the same, there´s no one to blame. What are the sounds a beating heart likes?

Character is modeled by years. We´re not the same we were and still believe we haven´t changed. Time, experience and the intercourse of people made me to be different. Willingly or not, I changed. Knowing the truth helped me to behave (and I need to change more). Some are changing for their good or worst. Some are convinced they did right or wrong. There is a longing to change, to be improved, or to remain the same.

Christian people prayed for you and me to repent. I prayed before my son were born and I named him Joshua for a reason. God has blessed us all. He still works in the background and His words will not return empty: He does what He does.

Few people would like to help you change. Some regret your change cannot be seen soon (sometimes) but the work is His... The battle belongs to the Lord!

Let say my son does not like someone asks him to stop smoking or drinking. Someday he will realize he was wrong, same way those who stubbornly sinned. He may argue alone and talk back “he was like that”, but these people will help him to change: “Iron sharpens iron”.

Dozen of people are praying before you and I die. They´re asking you (and me) to turn from our sins, to convert to God, to live a holy living... Will you pay attention, my son?  (I love you)

Joshua told me he says the kind of man he is, before being engaged... He likes alcohol, cigarettes and still being deaf to listen my warns: Did I tell your grandpa died from cancer?

He agreed tobacco is a drug. Many could see it as a sin, but I couldn´t tell him there are more things to change to really love. What if a girl disappoints him more? What if he cheats on her?

I worship You, God! ´cause you´re the only ONE I could trust my whole life to die or live.

I left my son with the promise he would send me a text message when he buys his new-brand mobile. I will give him his new FB and mail accounts so he use them the way that could bring him life.

I wish you commit to God, my son, so He could build with you an enduring home.

A.T.                Sept 2, 2013

You are in love

You are in love

Do you mind somebody call at 11 pm or at 3 am?

When you love that person you will not regret that one who called you late, any night. Verbally we say: “Call any time” but, in fact, we do not expect our friends call us late, as it were an urgent emergency. If we love them, we would understand they needed to call when dying from a heart attack or being robed...

When you are emotionally involved with any, you really don´t mind id she call you any time, day or night. Sometimes, it is you who insist on calling or sending text messages. When you love, you call and want to talk FREQUENTLY. There is a need in sharing when you love! (I know it and understand it) It´s beautiful to love and feel that need of hearing or sharing!

I know the needs and I understand compulsions. Lovers share! If any feel the other is not sharing or giving, he/she will regret and TELL. I also have seen how animals share their feelings: Smelling, touching, licking and try to be side by side. We are not too different from them!

I like to see, to touch and smelled those I liked. I remember my needs to phone call, to send SMS and the compulsion of being in contact (I rather like physical than virtual, by the way).

I´m not physically dead. I´m fighting to stop my human longs, my physical desires and the drive of talking or sharing I changed for writing. I could be talking to any in the street, but they are not like me and, more than that, there are not Christians, so we have no common background and, if it is a woman, I could guess what she wants and what she needs, since in the streets it is easy to see what people like or want.

Trust is not easily won. Let´s say it takes years or months to be reached and, by experience, I know I don´t have or need what others need or like, so I had enough. I don´t want to spend the rest of my days on guessing what others want: I´m just referring to women!

Yesterday I fixed a PC and the woman asked me how much she owes me... Her husband was on my side (he knew how much it took to be fixed) but his woman wanted to share her problems, her emotions and HOW MUCH she has spent money lately...

That is OUT OF MY BUSINES! Her husband wanted to stop her “crying”, because he was to be upset, but I begged him not to stop her “sharing” of sorrows, because I was trained in Colombia and  that is the reason many women do not experience heart attacks (but we, men).

They are Christians, friends, but I spent the whole week working there, but she thought I would charge few cents. What a mistake! My toil works as any (and that was cleared).

I asked my friend to hear Dr Pilar Sordo. She has told me many things on women´s behavior, although she was not asking be a discount (I would not give, by the way). Colombian way is like that, but this wanted to share emotions and be heard... Just one more thing, men, buy and own your things. Do not marry if you do not have money to keep that business! (I don´t have to keep it, too).

Sometimes love is selfish.

My ex-wife was like this lady but, at the end changed. I don´t do business with my ex-wife: She always wants to win and, with the alibi of the children we shared, she wants to be heard! (to retain money). Je! Je! Je!

Sometimes we -men- are not wise enough. Money is nothing, but it serves to buy anything (even from life and those things we cling to). They (women) love a provider men. I dare to say they love a man who gives money, instead of one who gives love or pleasure (Excuse me if this looks offensive, but it´s my experience and opinion: You can say what you say!).

I know -when I loved- I wanted to be in the company of that person I liked or cherished. My money and mobile phone was to hear her, to send and receive messages to her or those I liked. What do you do? Don´t you miss those you like or want only for you?

I am not like women: They have too many people in their mind. The love and cling to many. I just need or need one... Perhaps I am narrow minded! The more you get, the less you have to share...

Just think about this.

A.T.

Amos 3:3, 7

We are like animals who need associations to be reproductive, to progress, to protect, to learn, to eat. See nature, all around, and each family is an example of this: A convenient association. Churches, similarly, are human associations, bonds created on some truths we cling to: Love, similar religious background not based on nationalities, verifiable beliefs and same spiritual source with the morale of its parenthood.

Read about history and you know how many traditions and creeds were raised. Read stories and see how each is willing to invent his/her own. Is there one Church? No! Each belongs to its beliefs, common interests and united to its temporal leadership. Are we united to one truth? We tried to do so, some say we are one, and the truth is we are divided, because the God I believed may be one divided in 3 persons or One who really has one Godhead separated from Mary, the Mother of Jesus. (The important thing is how I am acting and, more than any of my opinions, it is what God thinks about me).

In Venezuela, too often, I have heard: “Si Dios quiere y la virgen” (If God wills, and the virgin wills). Did God married Marry to be His Queen? Are they both sharing a Kingdom that way?

Yesterday a dear friend told me I am radical. Few hours before another told me the same, because sometimes I expect too much (giving little, by the way) but I have same problems like any and I´m not pretty different than any reader. I wish you could read about Samuel, the prophet. He cut in pieces a man (Agag), stopped talking to a man he knew and, at prudent distance, he prayed and shed tears for that man he liked (1 Sam. 15:32-35). Samuel was known by God since the beginning and learned from Him in his childhood, while serving the temple. He heard God´s voice, more than once and he acknowledged God by personal experience, not by sight or simple readings, like us who boast ourselves on being called Christians and we are far from being like Christ or any godly man on earth. Samuel gave Jews and Christian an example on what he considered obedience (1 Sam. 15:22) but Jesus nullified Himself much more than any other man on this planet, He superseded all since God was with Him and dwelt in His human body.

Some time ago God and Jesus arranged to create what we see (Gen. 1:26-27) and somehow planned our redemption, but this is a process unfolded each century. I don´t know about you, but I had problems to believe the Bible and still have problems to apprehend it; but it serves me to understand spiritual things I cannot grasp or see with my human mind. Is this the only source God has used? I think it is not, He has spoken in several ways and I know believes and religions can be used to rule or control people and, perhaps, this is why there are many denominations and creeds (It is to God to speak and clarify each men´s or women´s beliefs).

No one would walk all the way long without talking or knowing their companion. If spiritually I was made to live eternally, I had better to see what the one who made me has to say. He would consider my misbehaving as my behaving as well. He would consider some actions fit and those that do not.

In a business I should know what I am to buy or sell. It doesn´t matter who buys or sells, but the stuff we are paying for. I can sell anything, but those who want to buy it don´t like to lose anything, it be called time or money. Will you like to waste any part of your time? If you dislike waiting or wasting anything, how much more eternity worths?

In a friendly relationship I always have the chance to leave. In a business, if I write a contract I do not always have such freedom to split easily, because I am obliged, same way when I formalized a protocol or any contract like a marriage. If I was born here, in Venezuela, I need a passport and a visa to leave it somewhere else and life is such a business, I am obliged to achieve certain conditions to be relocated, promoted or be paid when doing a job (it is like at the school or being hired for a job).

Life is a business and see it lasts more than primary school. In fact it is a school and a business some are promoted, hired or fired. Would you like to be eternally fired, by the way?  (I don´t!)

God often speaks. He is not mute, He is not a human being to lie (like me) and His job is eternal (He is busy all the time, but He sees what I cannot see). He gave us a gift we cannot deal without Him: Eternity. If we were not watched, if we weren´t warned, imagine this world and its mess: We were at war each week!

Imagine how boring life would be at “eternal” wars. “I hate you and you hate me”. And no one else knows why, but rage and fights... Imagine how I could kill and eternal enemy. Who can kill Satan and demons?

I don´t want to be eternal. I just wanted to live my life and stop it when I wanted to stop, but it doesn´t function like that. It works the way God made it to function. I like bees and I feel compassion when I see them close to death and more than once I have rushed the process because I don´t like life ceasing, and here you see this contradictory answer or behavior: We all like living and, the opposite, is like dying.  Does the giver of life like the dying? Does He like life ceasing? Do you give a present to be eternally lost or consumed? I don´t think this way.

I have seen animals watching death. I have seen how they fight to protect those they like or loved and I can say they are better than me. Won´t you do the same? (But God does it).

Amos 3:3 is a simple reason. God wants us to walk fine and shed light on the best way. He is not mute, He is not deaf, and certainly He will not do a thing without telling those He loves, those who care about His life business (Amos 3:7).

Read the Bible and tell when He did a thing without giving a warning. He announced Jesus, He foretold these times, and will sent Jesus back to punish those He knows deserve eternal punishment (I could be one of them).

Churches are saying “if you are not like us you won´t be saved”. But God has said: “If you are not like My Son you are not my children”. Is it quite different? Of course it is!

God wants me to walk with Him. Jesus is the way, but I don´t know how to fight against my humanity, my longs and thirsting desires.

Will you mind paying attention to Jesus?

Will you mind listening to God, instead of men traditions?

I will not go to heaven. I don´t like flying the way our planes fly, so I don´t want human wings. Have you seen Jesus “flying” the moment He was taken to heavens? (Mark 16:19; Luke 24:51; Acts  1:9, 11).

Those leaders who believe they will fly, with their “holy” wings, mislead those who believe in them. Jesus, who knew God more than any, who has more faith than no one else, was taken up to the place God prepared for Him, Who am I to say another thing?

It is not what I believe but what God believes about me. It is not what I want, but what God wants to do (Matt. 6:10). See God gave Saul a chance and, some time ago, He regretted having chosen one who disobeyed Him (1 Sam.15:11, 28) and see how God picked David up from nothing and, several times, later on he did wrong and finally God had Jesus to rule over human kind.

If I don´t read on God´s issues I will not guess what He wants. If I don´t built a healthy relationship with Him (and those He has asked to follow His Son) chances are that I get lost in loneliness.

I hope He help me walk with those who belong to the right way. I know I came from darkness, but this (eternal loneliness) is darker than being alone or with the people we are not our own.

Sometimes we find people we have liked to talk to, but it is better to get those we would have liked to live, long time ago. We need to talk, to see how we are, but God is not mute to tell us what we have to do: He never asks you to do a thing the other person would dislike. If He wants you to draw near, He will ask the same to others, to be approached: His bond is love, and it is a liking thing (not a disgusting thing).

Do not let any, with strong voices or nominal leaderships, lie to you. We do not need more leaders, but living believers to walk with; so I rather follow Jesus. He is the only source I see to be saved from myself.

Chatting with old friends

Yesterday I went to Jorge´s and we spent hours chatting on skype with his brother César, who is living in NY. There were many issues talked, but I looked at Jorge and asked him: “We don´t we ask him about God? Let´s see how he is on Jesus´ things”.

I cannot tell how long we talked on things related to the right homosexuals claim they have to be married. I saw César in favor of those rights, so I joked him if he planned to be NY mayor, willing to be voted from those who want to marry same sex.

Jorge´s concern was connected to the family. He is right in all what he said and most of his opinion is based on what Catholicism says, since he is a Charismatic Catholic (one who fights against Satan) and I am not with them when they speak on their sacraments, their “blood of Christ” weekly shed in their Eucharist (their transubstantiation theory) and all those things connected to apostolic hierarchy, as “the keys Peter received” and the Sabbath being changed for Sundays. (Just to let you know I don´t believe like you).

César has become “a lawyer”. He has learned to fight to avoid paying his bills each time he is punished when breaking the law on driving his car there and is a very enthusiastic talker. He agrees same sex marriage should be permitted based on the economic argument that homosexuals lose money when their sexual mate dies, and the State seizes them money, instead of permitting they keep their material stuff.

I had problems to wait on Jorge´s answers. He is a good talker and I imagined how Saul Paul and Barnabas may have felt some times at talking at people (no wonder they separated to minister on God´s) (Acts 16:39). Ha! Ha! (Jorge is Saul Paul).

I am nobody to rule on anybody´s life. I insisted in pointing out the hypocrisy of those in world government who want to get money when divorcing homosexuals, because we have to pay lawyers each time we see we made a wrong decision, when marrying the wrong person, or when realizing we were misguided by “love” infatuation. We divorce when being despised, hurt, cheated or at emotional and economic bankruptcy, since homosexuals (gays and lesbians) also experience deception and those problems I mentioned above.

I asked César I wanted to be heard when Jorge finished. Cesar wanted to concentrate the topic on the law and the right lesbians and queens are “socially” denied. I couldn´t stop myself from interrupting Jorge to say THE ISSUE IS BANNING GOD, and taking Him away as the lawgiver (but it wasn´t my house).

I wish I had filmed or recorded that video chat, it was a debate.

My concern is, if we accept it morally “because there is a law that permits...” I would try anything human laws permit. I, as an individual can do anything I like privately. In the intimacy of my mind I think and do whatever I think or dream: I can try illegal drugs, social adultery (as a swindler or voyeur). I can be in an open-field zoophilia at my mansion, celebrate public feasts to alcoholism, engaged to a widespread show of TV horoscope divination or sorcery session, and enjoy sex with toys and video porno. Does these things affect the future of each FAMILY, as Jorge was concerned?

When all these things are public, socially practiced and accepted, we will “live” like Sodom and Gomorrah and -of course- each individual has become “a king” to do what he publicly wants to do or make us think. We are not lawgivers (sometimes lawbreakers) and I cannot stop any from his/her ways of thinking -only God- but laws exist to stop us from doing things that may hurt or insult others who could dislike our ways: Do Christians have their rights to be Christians? Does Muslims feel the same when living abroad, in a country full of Christians? Are Satanists stopped from doing their things? Who is to rule men and women businesses and affairs?

Coexistence is a need. I see God gave ALL a right to be rooted and he is the one who uproots. I see He gave free will to all -pagans or believers- and Jesus acknowledge such “right” to be temporally rooted (). But the Bible is not the rule or the standard of the moral, but human constitutions (that can be “mended” to avoid saying these all are changed).

We, as law breakers, want God removed from His Title, Ownership, Name, History and Glory. César wanted to stop the chat on that side, just to concentrate on the issue of “human rights”... Yes! Ask LBG* to vote for you to be their mayor in N.Y. or in the world. I want no one to believe in me, but in God.

Satan wants us to say yes to bring punishment on those who say yes. He wants society to accept free homosexuality to spread it broader with AIDS and more problems, because divorce bring us personal problems and children are affected, same way society. If I willingly say “Yes” to their wedding I say “Yes” to the coming problems Christians and Muslims see coming.

Just imagine, as I said to César: “What if you wife asks a law that grant her the right to lay in bed with the man she chooses, one or two days in a week? What if many persons ask a law that permit them to lay in bed (to have sex) with the person they choose, one or several days in a week, without breaking THE CONTRACT OF MARRIAGE?” Will you stay with that woman you loved? Does such woman love his man (or woman)? Does a man who has several women love his formal spouse?”

He stopped me from may argument. He said I was not focused on “their right to be married” and I say their economic argument is rubish, because that can be sorted out with legal contracts or wills which leaves their money or belonging to their loved ones (They have their right to choose, to have the sex they like, to leave money and their stuff to whoever they wish, but not to curse or blame me, my family or the country I have live in).

César felt tired. He had a headache and I know why...

I left them alone and went to work some time.

Jorge saw his prayers are being answered regarding his family and loved ones (he wants his wife, so I beg any reader to pray for him and his wife to come back home).

I guess some readers may have read what happened to Israel when Achaan hid and stole things in his tent (Josh. 7:20-21). All the nation was beaten (Joshua 7:4) just for one man´s “mistake” (avoiding to call it a sin) and the thing was casted out on Israel´s nation, as the fault and the blame of al who die (Josh. 7:11-12). Maccabees give us something that seemed to be the same, and Jorge told me “some Christians disbelieve it as inspired”... (I just see Jewish people have it, as well).

Human lawbreakers like to put God´s history as moral stories not to be told... We long to be “God” (or our gods) but that cannot be (Acts 12:22-23).

STDs are broadly spread and we don´t see them as punishment or a way to stop us from lust. AIDS is said to come from Africa or from a monkey and science “says” it is not anything to enforce divine laws: Jews say there are 600 commandments and Christians say there are only 10... I am my LAW, each man may say. What about the social consequence and public health? I don´t want to live in Sodom and many women I know dislike lesbians.

Allow them to vote for it and find your place to relocate. Where is Christian land? Which country can I get a free visa to be running?

Next time thousands will be voting for free sex that do not invalidate marriage and its monetary contract. Love is not made of money, but of affection and trust.

Ask me to legalize more drugs same way tobacco is legal everywhere, because it makes profit and doctors are well paid... Why prostitution is not whole world legal? What if I sell my body to get money and some pleasure? I will not be sure who my father is or was and abortionist would be richer than they are -killing people´s “mistakes”- because babies are not my sins.

We both agree women had not real rights when being married to a man who had several women, like Jacob, David or Salomon... But we can read why they got more than ONE man can love or entertain in his bed. It is not good to fight for sex or somebody´s attention. I felt that rage and once I thought to kill my ex-wife and His lover, because I thought she was mine. What a foolish thing! (Just read this: Ezekiel 23:3-4; 5; 8-13; 18, 20).

I don´t know about you. Cheating is disgusting. It hurts more than any other pain and since my youth I wanted vasectomy to avoid children, when leaving or being left.

Hurt people often divorce (but God is loyal). I´m not like God and there was a time I felt jealous when my ex-wife loved Him more than me. God does not cheat! (And I didn´t know).

Jorge said “it would be coming one man who agrees same sex marriage... He is going to make one church with all its creeds.”  Where are we going to run or hide?

I told César “I find exciting watching two lesbian girls kissing or doing what they do, but I find repugnant and nasty witnessing two men doing the same”. I like women but don´t like men, and probably there is a dozen who are like me but, besides my human drive: Am I pro-lesbian, making vulnerable gays rights?

They can “marry” the ones they like and consent: They don´t have children, and probably would ask same rights to science...

There is partiality in saying “Yes” to one part and “No” to others. I am not a lawyer, I am not ill biased, but I am not the law giver. It is like desiring the woman of one man (as any adulterer) and hating the spouse of other (as any criminal minded). Who am I to be jealous of those who have liked?

Lust is selfish and it tends to be self-centered, same way opinions taking away God as the lawgiver.

By the moment I came back, I sat at Jorge´s left and heard César´s opinions and I´m glad he experience God, some time ago. He had leukemia and Jesus appeared and spoke when healing and warned him he would be lied by Satan, who would disguised the miracle Jesus was doing in his body but, the very moment César felt he was healed, he started to shared the power he felt within him with those who were sick in the hospital he was in. He entered rooms and touched those he met (or felt guided to pray) and touched those who badly needed a healing...

I stared at Jorge´s eyes and both agreed he has received the healing power of Jesus to HEAL PEOPLE (We prayed he realized the next step to keep on).

I asked Jorge to ask him: “What church are you attending”. My idea was to grasp if he was influenced by any group or Christian tendency, and I shared with Jorge the surprised his “religiosity” came when Jesus touched and healed him from leukemia; because he wasn´t attending any church, and Jorge saw his prayers being answered. “Perhaps he asked God for healing, and Jesus came to show His mercy, while he was in bed” Said Jorge.

César told us “many were afraid of his touching”. Some regretted his going to rooms, to unknown people, and finally doctors asked him to stop doing so and we laughed at him saying “you probably spoiled their business...” and I still regret not having recorded those things he said to us, here in Venezuela.

César told us he was forgetting those words Jesus told him (we served as reminders). So I´m happy we spent hours chatting on skype and now I smiled remembering I asked Jorge “to preach on him”. My approach was the same I used when he was a child (I´m not religious) and I think I´ll be secular for some time: Just to help people understand I need the same salvation they need, because I don´t have it, yet.

I don´t know if this or anything I write may serve any (believer or not) but I would like God speak to me. I don´t see well many things. I have made wrong decisions and I am paying for some faults, but I need God directs my life. I wish I could personally hear Him (I´m not praying too much: I think He is not deaf or mute) but He knows what I want and what I wanted.

I don´t like to come to Caracas to typewrite. I don´t have electricity at home, and I don´t want to  interrupt at my mother´s and I surely dislike being interrupted. I just need Him to talk, to let me know what He wants me to do. If I beg -one more time- I seriously beg for this prayer, you could make for me, because I don´t mind begging for God.

Thanks in advance!