Short-term relationships

     I´ve recently read that several young people regret not meeting other folks, their age, who were willing to cope with long-term relationships. I wouldn´t say it is a form of reluctance but a normal social behavior aimed to stay with their best choice, as long as these get matured and find out what they really liked from their acquaintance. Some people do want to be utterly committed, but few are grown-up enough to endure long-term commitments, economically, romantically or lovingly.

The Lord Jesus said something to think of: “'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much...” (Mat 25:23) and “Anyone who can be trusted in little matters can also be trusted in important matters. But anyone who is dishonest in little matters will be dishonest in important matters.” (Luke 16:10) Was He talking about being trusted in long or short term things?

And, if we are good friends, worthy as loyal ones, can´t we get the best of short-run friendship and long-term fellowship?

Several years ago I tried one odd thing and I failed. I was wooing at an old friend I had and her nice-looking sister liked me much more; so I did the best I could to draw her to me and -soon after- I lost the one I should have taken... What a foolish thing I did! I have met that for years, we studied in the same training school, but I liked her sister more: Poor me! (but let me remember Lot´s wife, to avoid looking back).

How could I deserve a long-term relationship, if I´m not loyal enough with old friends?

That´s where I liked another lesson Jesus gave me about human relationships when He was talking to a woman who chose short-termed relationships at some “randomized” convenience: She was thirsty of eternal life and probably all tired out (Jn 4:15). She asked Him a break (and a relief) of that toil she knew and He asked about her loved ones: “The woman answered, "I don't have a husband." "That's right," Jesus replied, "you're telling the truth. You don't have a husband. You have already been married five times, and the man you are now living with isn't your husband." ” (Jn 4:16-18)

Was she really married? No! Let´s update what Jesus probably said: “"You're telling the truth. You don't have a husband. You have already been with five men, and the man you are now living with isn't your husband."” Does it look easier to be seen and understood? That was a euphemism, not an exact statement.

I´m like that Samaritan! I don´t know about you: But I´m that sinner.

She was thirsty of something she knew, there was something she could not quench deep inside her life, and probably some recurrent unwillingness bothered or her wounded heart acted like a stumbling block on few of those short-term commitments... How could I be good enough for a long-term relationship if I´m not good -and loyal enough- during short-term fellowships?

She have tried it 5 times! Let´s say she wasn´t left, let´s say she was the one leaving men behind. Let´s suppose she was left 5 times... Was something wrong in a person left? (Is something wrong in a person leaving?) Sure! Both parties involved are accountable for leaving and being left (the innocents and emotionally damaged are those children).

Could that lesson be a moral rebuke just for me? Sometimes I wanted “the blessing”, but with nothing offered or spiritually promised.

Allow me to say something more about a Samaritan man Jesus spoke of: He was on his way doing a business trip and founded out a person in need. He felt pity (Lk 10:33) But what sort of a relationship will be one like that, a long-term or a short-termed relationship? It seemed a naive parable, it seemed a make-believe story but, after 2000 years, I know it is a true story I should learn about, because I´ve seen it in my life too, several ways.

That Samaritan man asked nothing in turn. Instead, he gave money the inn keeper when he was leaving that injured person he took in charge. During that process of healing, they probably shared good times talking about each other; yet the good Samaritan endangered his reputation and life when saving an unkown person, and that is where I like Jesus´ words: “Greater love has no man than this, that a man gives up his life for his friends. ” (Jn 15:13) (Jn 13:35).

Giving up life: Is it a long-term issue in your life or a short-term deal you cope with daily? You know it well and you chose it each time.

I cannot get a better job if I´m not good enough at simple tasks. I don´t deserve better things if I´m not taking care at those few I actually had: “... You have been true in a small thing...” (Matt. 25:20-23). That principle applies to human relationship, not only to borrowed material talents we said we owned.

When I was in my late 20´s I met a lot of people who were friendly. If I tried to meet several of them now, I´d be utterly rejected or I would do the same disapproving them. Those friends I had have changed, and I have changed myself, in a way “we” could say properly we were happy we shared one or two decades, and I know it because I have met a couple of them, and their life is quite different the way we were: The have children, spouses, new habits I don´t cope with and, worst than that, I´m not the young man they knew (or liked) so, without doubts I can say life is built up on the successions of short-termed relationships.

Look at Jesus´ life. He spent 3,5 years with His disciples. He only had 3 favorites friends of those 12 he chose and his own brothers were not His close friends: “Jesus' brothers (…) did not believe in him.” (Jn 7:5) He nearly lived with them 30 years and those homies showed little respect for an old sibling: “You should leave here (…) If you want to be well known, you must not hide what you do.” (Jn 7:3-4).

Look at His loved ones: “And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, "He is out of his mind."” (Mark 3:21) and see how He dealt with those he purposely ignored shortly: “Jesus asked, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?"” (Mark 3:33; Matt 12:50). “It is not possible for you to be hated by the world; but I am hated by it, because I give witness that what it does is evil.“ (John 7:7)

If you´re not willing to cope with short-term relationships you´d probably miss longer ones; and just have a look on Jesus´ eternal scope, because what He did reached you and me out, a couple of millenniums now.

Jacob wanted to marry Rachel and, having no other choice to pick her out from her father´s house, he dared to work 14 years to marry her.

Moses married the one he liked, and Abraham wrongly heard the one God had promised a child. Was that life journey easy for all of them? No! It wasn´t easy.

Here´s another tip Jesus left: “By your endurance you will gain your lives.” (Lk. 21:19) That applies to our personal fellowship of beliefs and ideas. Many think faith and believing are enough to get heavens, but they´re missing up those words saying “easy comes, easy goes” because long-termed endurance has a moral purpose.

What if Jacob had fought and talked back against Laban to get Rachel instead of Leah?

What if that Samaritan woman needed to learn certain lessons -the hard way- before being properly committed? Let´s say Jesus wanted the woman to be married; same way the other woman He told: “Go your way and never do wrong again.” (Jn 8:11)

Short-term relationships prepare us for a better endurance of love and eternity. I don´t deserve something better if I´m not taking care of the good things I´m actually granted. If I´m not good at virtual friendship, if I lacked the ability to keep a simple friend most of my life (which is a short-term relationship) I´m not yet ready for the engagement of marriage, which is a long-termed commitment of love and look at this thought the Bible gave: “A friend is loving at all times, and becomes a brother in times of trouble.” (Pro 17:17) If I haven´t tried this way, I´d better stopping my whining: That´s my direct fault being alone!

For boosting yourselves, I wish you could watch the movie “The Ultimate Gift” (2007) or the nasty movie “The wolf of Wall Street” (2013) There you´d see why some “friends” are sought (Prov. 14:20, 17:9, 18:24) and why some are lately rejected. In both movies part of this wicked life is very well portrayed, yet the edifying one is that Ultimate Gift.