lunes, septiembre 16, 2013

Sexual Materialism


I couldn't stop myself from writing a thing about this: Today someone who grew with me asked me if I would woo someone he would have flirted first before being “engaged” with someone he doesn't like.

The thing sounded me sour (as a teaspoon of salt).

Some time ago he told me he was about to be related to someone who is older than he is... The reason sounded me creepy and materialistic, as he himself lightly acknowledged that day; but this time he invited me to flirt to a friend of his old girlfriend.

I know there are Internet sites to match with your interests, your life goals -even for sex- but I believe in genuine love or some kind of real affections that are not linked to monetary reasons -sort of business- on this highly secularized search of the opposite sex. He met her somewhere in the streets. He doesn't use Internet but his friends...

He told me that person he mentioned is younger than the one he has. He said she is the owner of an apartment and an office in Ccs, and that she is not as rich as the one he now dates; because the one he flirts (in common consent) owns some real state in Spain, Dominican Republic, and here in Venezuela. Is she aware of buying “friendship”?

Doesn't this sound like male prostitution?

Will you buy friendship (or love) with some wealth?

Five decades served me right to see money is as convenient as a loving person willing to be loyal; but love and friendship were not to be sold or begged.  Did they?  Was I too blind too see it that way?

I know I sought, before being a Christian, nice looking ladies, illicit or free sex; but I thought people grew up to seek healthy characters, a loving personality, someone to cling someday because that person  is willing to love and care genuinely.

He is not Christian, but I think he is close to a “convenient” state of prostitution... I don't know hers! (one pays, the other agrees to receive some money).

It is not a secret old men and women like young people. I know some like to lure them away, but I won't pay for love and much less for lusty sex. Why do people insist on those faults? I'm not blind! But I will run from that type of lurking ways.

Yes! I'm shocked.

I believe in the genuine attraction of people. More than that, I believe God could lead me to the right person, and not following the convenience of my selfish heart or the emptiness of my pocket.

Wow! That's male prostitution.

Absolutely!

I know he has paid for the favors he has received from young girls or ladies, but he seems to be doing the opposite thing now.

Is this happening in your culture too?

I know we don't live immersed in a Christian culture; but I don't think this is happening ALL over the world. I know we had wrong motives when being out of God's ways, but it's hard to believe this evil is widely spread, even inside the family or friends.

I thanked God that my children aren't misbehaving like that. I checked they don't like porn, although they're not dating girls with the exact commitment to be utterly married... Yes! I did wrong and much more than them; but I had the mindset that dating someone was to be married, someday.

Just letting these thoughts flow!


Do you have an idea to share here?

A. Toro


viernes, septiembre 13, 2013

Inspiring movies. (Sept. 2013)

Last night I could watch 3 movies I borrowed from my friend pastor Eduardo three weeks ago. I came to Ccs for my mother´s birthday and had the chance to turn on one of my PC to enjoy myself watching: a) “The secrets of Jonathan Sperry” (www.SperryMovie.com) b) “The freedom writers’ diary” and c) “Our Lady of Victory” (2011)

The secrets of Jonathan Sperry gave me some ideas useful to preach or to work with young people; but I actually lack his facilities, the neighbourhood and some resources… I could work on that, but my “target” is quite different (just in case I take my own ideas to be adapted to my vicinity).

The freedom writers’ diary is one of those movies I wish I could keep at hand to study it frequently. I will do my research later on and, obviously, it has its racial background, some Jewish scent helping to back up their “local” segregation, but that serves very well to show –according to the movie- how USA could be dealing with the their social problems (which seem to be rooted on economical opportunities, equal rights, educational needs and more cultural things I cannot feel (or guess) since I don´t live there in those States).

Our Lady of Victory is based on a true sport history. I watched the deleted scenes and these had some elements Catholic people would see as “offensive”, like nuns dancing… :P  They showed some real film records of the Immaculata college’s success and the way they wore “tunics” as their uniform to play basketball…

What I liked more of these two last movies (a thing that shocked my attention) was the clear contrast between two opposite situations: 
a) Ms G. (Hilary Swank) faced divorce while teaching high school, while blessing and leading others´ life. 
b) Cathy Rush was married to a man who often played basketball, one who really knew team working, and backed her up to accomplish her job.

What I´ve found inspiring on these videos is easy to understand (if you yourself watch them) but, regarding the family, those we would like to get or ever have, could be quite different if we were married with the wrong person, unequally yoked.

What kind of a spouse would you like to be?

I don´t know the passion each person has. It could be professionally developed on your job daily or lovingly worn at home, with your loved ones; but some secretly have it and some sadly feel they miss it.

On those movies the passion for a job were exaggerated, perhaps unrealistically or naively; these examples are not impossible and could cause any some splits, divorce, emotional loneliness filled with the emptiness of frustration, which usually comes when someone is not achieving his/her personal goals, these that are thought to be found at marriage or in a love relationship. 

At The freedom writers’ diary movie a man leaves her woman. At Our Lady of Victory another helps his spouse to win with her team. What kind of man do you like to be with? Which of these you are alike?

I understood Ms G.´s husband wanted a hommie woman, just for him, when he came anytime home. On this case, the character of the man Hilary Swank might have married looked selfish, self-centred, and served her enough to chat about her day and to please that H.S. teacher who devoted long hours working outside but, contrasting both movies, coach Cathy Rush married a man with similar professional likes (basketball), this accepted her freedom of choice and understood the personal need she had to work outside home (I like the way she dealt with his feelings when he felt jealous, since she mentioned the time she gave him attending some of his matches, when playing basketball).

Which of these two men you identify with, as husbands? Which of these two girls/women would you like to marry?

I think –if I were married- I wouldn’t like to get one spouse who often comes back home late. I see all of us, as humans, need self-respect, healthy admiration and some kind of personal achievements; but I don´t need (nor like) anyone who behaves bossy or lives too busy (that´s the hermit in me).

Inside de DVD I saw some enjoyable pictures and a tiny video of the class of the freedom writers. The movie has updated very fitly the amount of the Afro-Americans, the Latinos and the Asian attending classrooms somewhere else there. Will you mind to compare the picture of that class in 2006? 

Surely you will agree on the positive side of the critics to racism. The English version doesn´t have some words I heard on the Mexican version. Some Afro-Americans said, in the Spanish version, “they came first”. What about the ancient American Indians and its banished cultures? (Is their fate similar to the Amalekites, Canaanites, etc.?)

My concern it is that I´m black and Latin European. My grandparents were Italians, Spaniards and my father’s mother was black and white. I was raised in the house a Native American built with my grandmother. He reluctantly accepted my dad, and later on accepted me, not having his own blood. Is it a race we lacked? Do we know who we biologically belonged? God is absolutely different! A man is jealous for each man. We naturally see others as potential enemies, because we don´t equally belong to the kingdom of God. 

I know the country and the place where I was raised, but I don´t belong them. There was a time I could boast at that citizenship I freely received, but I long for Christ´s. I know who I was, the things I did and enjoyed, but I am not to imitate those things I had and now regret. As Christian, I am like you, as you are like me. Where are those rights I would claim above any?

As an outsider, CC looks multicultural and interdenominational. The world, as far as I can see it, is the same; but I know its limits, its borderlines, i.e.: “Do not send me PMs”, “Do not write to me unless I know you”, etc. Do they really serve to stop creepers or weirdoes?  Ha! Ha! (I received one of those stupid things creepers write to woo on CC).

I know I lack God´s love to approach people. I don´t know how to change this world I live, but Jesus knows. The lesson that classroom gave me is love, and it cost any time and pains. Here in Venezuela we live with the same hate; it is not racial, but social. The political resentment is used to keep their “leading” role to get access to amounts of money. Public agencies and the media are used to maintain the ideological influence the hypocritical communist stills to stay in the government, same way they worked in Germany, the URRS and Vietnam. The local war has begun to find food, to invade and seize private property when expropriating factories and the land that were used to produce enough meat and food. Here is the dictatorship of mediocrity!

How long does it take to be widely spread? God knows! But next Third World War has begun in the minds of those who don´t see this far more. 

Syria is not my local war, same way Venezuelans should be concerned on our social issues first: We need God to rule from within.

Just see how you would react: In a narrow prophylactic scope, let it be allowed to ask How would you deal with Aids and the people who are infected with more evil diseases? No matter the colour of their race, stop thinking about their social status or cultural background, but at the potential risk of these diseases spread which see no face to pollute (and the way to spare your life from being infected by this and other contaminating factors related to sins). Don´t you shrink like me? What is your deciding attitude toward worldwide secularism? What is your standpoint when this openly threatens your life, your family´s welfare or nation? We all let sin to be spread. It´s just taking its toll on conventional sinners.

The movies are inspiring but this last questions are painfully shocking, aren´t they?

Just leave anything you like… (like prayers, for example).


A.T.

viernes, septiembre 06, 2013

Elder son.



Last night I spoke with Josh. It´s been years since we haven´t had time for free sharing. He told me things I didn´t know. He has grown up enough to take care of his life and now he seems willing to teach me, each time he sees he can.

I gave him some tips. I don´t want him to be a dad before getting a profession, and he agreed. He introduced me to one of his girlfriends (I don´t know how many he has got) but this is simply nice looking and I knew nothing about her, except she sleeps wholeheartedly with him. She´s not older than 20 and, if I were her dad, I wouldn´t like to have my daughter sleeping with anyone who haven´t married her.

I told him to take care of her loving. He said she cares herself to avoid pregnancy but I said he is responsible too, that I would use shields if I were him.

I don´t want him to leave babies or women alone, but I can´t do anything. Today young people split and start new love affairs that easy, that I don´t want to think who could be the real father in a messy life anyone could be living.

We spoke on some hopes and dreams a girl (or women) could have. Chances are that many will be passed by at pregnancy, since this affects both woman and man. We seldom know the biological father in a messy life, except when asking DNA tests. Sadly I know there were fathers who were not the real ones and the joy they once felt, faded when knowing the truth of a cheating spouse.

Josh has lived more than I. When I was his age I lacked his experience. I lacked God too, because it was a wild living I got. I pray his life be changed for God´s, for his life´s benefit and I´d love to see him changed. Elisha needs the same turnout, their mother needs to come back to God´s ways to heal their home.

Alcohol or tobacco were not my vice. I knew no drug, except that of “free” sex, lying for pleasure with this cheating tongue. Two or three times I felt drunk, but these guys of mine are living too fast, a way I don´t understand. That´s their life!... They need to live it up to see God´s light.

My dad was not Christian. He left my life alone in my grandmother´s hugs, so I knew from my faults and mistakes. I seldom shared deep feelings or ideas with him at childhood. We had no time to share, and I disliked the time he spent reading his newspapers. I wish he had given me that time, but it was “his” time (not mine).

I wish I could coach my children somehow: My daughter pays so little attention, she wants money instead; And Elisha has his own ideas... I don´t care they don´t need me! I´m happy they are their own. They need to learn alone, but I wished I could help them.

I cannot blame any other person, but me. Divorce brings communicational ruptures I cannot mend and it´s reluctantly “Ok”. There´s no point at crying when the milk has spilled from my hand.

If I were “home” I would not let Joshua or Elisha to sleep with their girlfriends. I guess they have had several mates in a simple year. Joshua told me he thought to pay a whore while he was alone, during 9 months... I told him I never paid for that kind of sex. I could have paid something to have a company who was not companionship, but it wasn´t love either. I recommended him not to do so: My concern is spiritual. Morally, a sin is sin.

I thought he could see life briefly from my standpoint. I told him I bypassed many girls who could have been good wives, but sex got me blind. I was wrong (I´m wrong) but I can´t tell him what to do, except God, in his heart.

These girls he has are not seeking money, but pleasure. I told him someone of 50 wanted to marry a girl of 16... Josh acknowledged that man was wrong and said those girls he has found are sex machines... I agreed! I´ve seen too many parents allow their children use “homes” as “Hotels”... My advice to Joshua was the same for that man, and I said that was not real love; because I have read of men who have killed those kids when they found them cheating. Cheating could be found out on both, men or women. Christian or pagan unbelievers have too many fantasies. Is there no way to stop sinners? There is ONE (I´m a sinner) but we´re unwilling to stop it.

This weekend I went out with one of my ex-gf. She invited her daughter and a friend to have a walk in a mountain. Before we were finished, she saw I was sending text messages to someone I was wooing and made a joke, so I said: “I have to take care of those I have”.

When leaving, after an hour or so, she sent me a text message thanking me for the time we shared and telling me “...she was willing to have another meeting, but alone, if I was pleased”. I said “she is married...”, and she quickly talked back telling me “...she has some freedom in marriage. She closed that chapter of her life with me...” but it took me two decades to realized I was unwilling to turn those pages she said she turned; and that last encounter served me to close the book I was writing in my mind, so I partially said: “It is me who had problems to understand I don´t need your friendship”. I said to myself.

A pen friend I had said it well... There are men and women who like to have more friends than they need and “some like to have extramarital issues”, but I don´t need friends, except only one.

Joshua told me he had a friend who told him about his love affair with a rich woman. She paid his friend everything he needed or wanted... Fortunately (for that mother and woman) Josh´s friend started to woo the daughter of her mate and, any moment, the mother knew he was a cheater... Any day she appeared at the man´s family house and told them the kind of man he has been during their relationship and all the things she bought for him... That reminded me the writing of a friend who wrote “La prostitución como alternativa” (Prostitution as alternative) I think I should get it translated! (Haven´t I done it yet?)

Joshua knows money is an issue to be “safely” engaged. He cares as much as he can. He is clear he needs more money to build his home (Thanks God! He is more responsible than I was).

I left Carol and MP. I don´t want these lessons to be reminded by more sad experiences. I just left them to avoid repeating those mistakes I made: I knew whom I like, but I was blind to keep this life alive.

What I forgot to tell you, my son, it´s do not trust you more than God. You may think you are right, but time will tell you are or were wrong. Do not trust your eyes, your feelings nor people´s. Do not trust your thoughts, your body shape and its strength today. Trust God, not you!

The very day you stop believing you to trust in God (and His chosen one) your life will be changed and things be turned to favor you.

You will not find the best woman without His help. They could love you as much as they can, but you need Him to love her the way she is to get the one that could be gotten. You need faith in Him, not in you or your ways to walk life. I can´t teach you this I´m learning. I lived your way, and I was wrong (and was wronged). What would happened if you have gone to pay a whore? What´s wrong when you use people you don´t love to get sex?

Don´t miss the person you may have wanted to keep your whole life. Don´t sleep with those you would not commit yourself to be married. I wish God gives you the ONE you have liked to love.

I tried to tell him healthy relationships need God in between. Those who left -after a split- didn´t find what they liked or what they seek. There is not a safe way to keep what does not belong. I see people leave God, somewhere and somehow. How much will I leave those I don´t love for being cheaters or false the way I was and used to be? I said I´m not better than a dozen and not worst than hundreds.

Children will not keep you to your wife´s love. Money cannot buy your dreams neither other´s. Many are around wooing at any who could dare to smile. Coveting is a sin we pay too little attention sometimes.

Beauty has drawn you to girls and, same way they go to those whom they like (for the same pleasure or desire) there´s no a safe way to keep those you may cling to. That depends on your will, their will and your decisions.

I tried to tell him love is not sex. “Man cannot live on bread alone...” We need God´s direction and to be modeled by His perfect will.

He knows his giving and receiving. At his age I wasn´t like that, so I´m glad for the things his mother might have told him. He knows the importance of money. He is not stingy and has learned from other sources outside me.

I pointed out the broken relationship I had with his mother. He has learned from hers more than mine. There was a time I felt jealous when someone his mother had got his attention away from me. I don´t remember how long it was -more than a while- and Elisha joked at him for that, several times... That hurts! It often happens when we´re divorced, so I wish to spare him that pain.

We don´t say it aloud, but something happens when you have a brother (or a sister) who has a different mother or father. Many have learned to love the right way, but I belonged to the minority who experienced that kind of rejection from my Mom while many learned it from their Dads.

What have you felt when meeting your mom embraced in other man´s arms?
What do you feel when you see your dad kissed another woman who is not your mom?
What have you felt when your ex-gf (or boyfriend) kisses another?

My elder son has his own ideas. He told me he was watching “to see who was the best girl he finds”. He disliked some have tried to change him... I said they did it for love, for his benefit, not selfishly to get him into a trap. I said tobacco is a drug; and those girls who asked him to stop that habit did it well. I didn´t have chance to tell him: “the best thing in world you could give a girl is you” because there were interruptions... I didn´t know how to tell him he is the possessor of everything he could give a woman who has accepted him -the way he is- to help him change WITH LOVE and for love.

He is like me when talking. He wanted to be heard, and I gave him that attention he asked. He was limited in time, he planned to leave early next morning, so I was given a borrowed time he could have spent with his girlfriend, laid in a bed... What were those things hindering me to keep my child? Think about you! Is your ex-spouse jealous for the relationship you´ve got with your children?

Joshua asked me to open a new mail account for FB. I didn´t ask why he wants them anew. I may infer he wants to leave his past behind, because there are more ways to keep present updated. Let´s say he wants to settle down and felt hindered to tell more while his time was running faster than mine.

Within a week he goes back to his military service. I said I never went there because I haven´t found citizenship at this country I was born. I avoided to be screwed up by their patriotic lies since I do not believe I´m Venezuelan while I admired him for his character, responsibility; because he comes to work, instead of enjoying his days off (I would enjoy myself to rest; but he comes to make money, so he clearly understands the price he pays for his living).

I needed a good turnout to start leaving things and names behind.

I´m happy my son has found some human release. That´s not the Christian way, this is not how it should be, but it is his: I was worst!

Enduring love comes from the Eternal source of love: God´s. Perhaps Joshua is wrong on few or more things than I am, but he is right to live his life to learn from it.

Samson chose to love people outside his people. I have found out there are differing and different beliefs within the same denomination, you believe one thing and I see another; so I don´t see clearly who talks with her heart when using the tongue our social life has styled. I´m so far from God´s standards that I failed my whole life.

It´s easy to expect other people pay the price we have to pay for the things we receive or those we´d like to be receiving. This is selfish. It is us who have to pay the price for being loved. I´m selfish and egotist too, each time I´m expecting God to do it for myself. Can I play the piano without using my hands? Does a guitar play its notes without anyone putting his/her fingers on different strings?

I cannot write a poem from emptiness. Love has its music to be played. Does an unwilling mouth sing love music without its feeling?

Emotions are self-centered. Misunderstanding may affect long-term relationships so I have to learn the music some feelings like.

I don´t like salsa music played. I can´t dance what I disliked or hate. I´m stubbornly convinced of the things I like or believed. Each persons is who she/he is. No one is the same, there´s no one to blame. What are the sounds a beating heart likes?

Character is modeled by years. We´re not the same we were and still believe we haven´t changed. Time, experience and the intercourse of people made me to be different. Willingly or not, I changed. Knowing the truth helped me to behave (and I need to change more). Some are changing for their good or worst. Some are convinced they did right or wrong. There is a longing to change, to be improved, or to remain the same.

Christian people prayed for you and me to repent. I prayed before my son were born and I named him Joshua for a reason. God has blessed us all. He still works in the background and His words will not return empty: He does what He does.

Few people would like to help you change. Some regret your change cannot be seen soon (sometimes) but the work is His... The battle belongs to the Lord!

Let say my son does not like someone asks him to stop smoking or drinking. Someday he will realize he was wrong, same way those who stubbornly sinned. He may argue alone and talk back “he was like that”, but these people will help him to change: “Iron sharpens iron”.

Dozen of people are praying before you and I die. They´re asking you (and me) to turn from our sins, to convert to God, to live a holy living... Will you pay attention, my son?  (I love you)

Joshua told me he says the kind of man he is, before being engaged... He likes alcohol, cigarettes and still being deaf to listen my warns: Did I tell your grandpa died from cancer?

He agreed tobacco is a drug. Many could see it as a sin, but I couldn´t tell him there are more things to change to really love. What if a girl disappoints him more? What if he cheats on her?

I worship You, God! ´cause you´re the only ONE I could trust my whole life to die or live.

I left my son with the promise he would send me a text message when he buys his new-brand mobile. I will give him his new FB and mail accounts so he use them the way that could bring him life.

I wish you commit to God, my son, so He could build with you an enduring home.



A.T.                Sept 2, 2013