Dad´s addition.

This morning I had a light clear idea on what to write; but the breakfast and my mother got too much from my attention, and that drifted me from what I thought I would type (this happens).

I wanted to write something from my Dad. I remember having planned to write things like that I miss him, that we became good friends during the adulthood and that wasn´t like that; no matter I had tried to be his friend since a child.

I would like to discourage smokers. My step grandfather, my grandmother, my father were cigarette smokers.  This is an addiction and many do not like to see it as it is, same way we should look at sin (there are lots of addictive ones).

The fact many smoked at home made me to be asthmatic. I suffered from that sickness too long and I was finally healed by God, during my adolescence, with the toils of my grandmother.

My step grandfather lost part of his leg with gangrene. Part of his problem was diabetes and tobacco and, when the doctor “ordered” him not to smoke cigarettes, he changed them for Cuban tobacco (he usually said the paper was killing him, instead of the leaves of tobacco). Ja! Ja!

My grandmother died from several diseases. I guess the diabetes and the heart problems were primary involved in her passing away and, of course, the tobacco “helped” her to die. She was around her 70 when she left, and I had her hands held in my hands the last time I saw her, certain sad December morning.

I remember having criticized my father for his vice. When I was a child I tore one box of his cigarettes and when he noticed, I lied and probably blamed my younger brother, so he took both of us in his bet, in front of an altar, and he prayed those idols that he wanted to see the nails growing on the guilty´s feet and, when these were cut, these quickly were appeared, so the punishment of the guilt were to live to cut off those ugly nails, looking like claws.

I didn´t want to pay that price. I confessed my “sin” (the lie) to avoid that punishment, but I actually paid the consequence of many years bearing an asthmatic condition, and it was the ugly claw I couldn´t cut.

I dislike smoking. I never did it and, to my regret, my two sons got that addition. If it were a chromosome condition, it came by my dad or grandmother and, if it were a sin, I sinned by hating it from my childhood.

Many people like to smoke to be social, to be in touch and to show they are grown up (that´s not of my business) but they spoil others live and probably will make the children heirs of that vice, some call a sin (I don´t see it a sin, but a guilt).

My dad often said: “God! Why do you punish me this way?”. He blamed God for his cancer. He blamed God for not walking, after a medical operation. He blamed Him for having problems to get erections and he wanted to get a prosthesis to get his genitals working again...

Did God asked him to smoke?

Did God asked any to consume drugs?

I tried to explain him a couple of things and, before he die, I left him completely alone and my brother took him to a hospital (something happened I won´t tell, and I saw in my dreams he had a spiritual problem I could not help).

I hope he had repented. I wish he had talked to God and have found peace with Him.

My brother told me how he saw him at the hospital, few days after I stopped visiting and caring my dad at his home.

Alain came in and found out him dead in that room. He wanted to clean him and give the medical treatment he was receiving, but our dad was dead, with his eyes opened.

I don´t know what he has seen those days. I left and stopped talking to him. He often had said I looked like Jesus, each time I got or used my black beard... Did he ever meet Jesus?

It is easy to blame others. I could blame my family for those days I spent sick in bed, but they paid my price to be alive.

I know how much my grandmother worked to get me alive and kicking. It fact, she is the one who deserves me to call her MOTHER; because her loving affection and attentions got me as her last child (my dad brought me and Alain to my father´s siblings).

As far as I remember, my father could not acknowledge his fault: an addition to smoking. Many are like him, and I´m not blaming him, since I myself have blamed God for my shortcomings. Isn´t God a loving God? Just imagine how we react when someone blames or points out our faults. We hit and violently punish, but the final punishments -the consequences of sinning- are ours and other´s, too.

I don´t need to eat too much. That´s an addiction.

I don´t need to lie; but when being wronged, cheated or hurt from lies, I blame others, without looking at my faults.

I should not blame God and no one else, but me.

I should be responsible and assume responsibility for my life.

Am I sick? There´s no one to blame.

Do I have vices? It´s me who I am hurting (perhaps others).

I think we needed to live to really learn -and get- this wisdom books cannot easily teach.

It is a blessing and sometimes we bypassed each second chance we have got in this present life to learn ant to teach.

In faith, I believe in many things and, hoping God has more interesting things to live up, I abandoned myself in His hands (not mine, which are not safe).

Some nations are trying to legalize drug use. Some are willing to vote for that, and the reason is similar to allowing free sex or same sex marriage.

Let´s say alcohol is not a problem in society. Let´s say tobacco and its cigarettes are nothings but a culture issue. Let´s say smoke is not a world health problem and that we need more freedom and government are intended for that. Have any of you considered the real price of this and the price we are to pay?

The utter scope is ignoring God and His justice. Sodom and Gomorrah is nothing compared to the world we´re going to live and fall into. Living live without order and justice is like living without anything, same way drug consumers “live” each day. Smoking cigarettes is just like the equivalent of smoking any herb I can get in the streets.

Giving my children permission to do what they are pleased to do is like allowing them to rule over me. My sons are smoking and having sexual intercourse whenever they can. My ex-wife let both bring “home” their girlfriends to do what they do. What if they get any STD? What if the girls get pregnant? I´m talking about teenager...

I built my house and moved before being completely divorced. I had no means to say what was right when having others saying an opposite thing. I understand I have some legal rights, but to deserve them, I have to achieve some goals I´m not reaching. I could say a thing morally, but the example of other denies my truth, while other´s will prevail.

The world dwells within you and your holy wall. Culture and human laws creed your doors and open what you have tried to keep or save. Television and more video media tell your love ones how they should live and, basically, these are led by money, by evil desires and satanic interests.

Do we need smoking? Do we need drugs when we are healthy?

We are paying the price each time we shut an eye. Countries have hundreds of sick people and sickness or “pleasures” produce money for those who hold evil business and its vice.

Just thing a world where any comes and does what he/she wants. It´s like living the paradise of vice many singers boast on to sing. Why do they commit suicide? If they live the way they want, why are these dying overdosed?

If any vice can bring me the joy I miss and get human emptiness filled, why do they need to smoke or use drugs?

Social pressure pushed my childish mind to commit certain sins. That sin probably spoil the joy I could be enjoying now, but I won´t cry over the spilled milk. I just need God´s hands to help me walk my final walk, and this is far from people´s smoke and unhealthy habits.

I know I have to die. I better go, but I don´t understand the whole life I am in and, those I miss are gone and who knows I will meet them, twice?

I had a friend who allowed her children smoked marijuana under “her” supervision. She and her husband bought the drug in Colombia and let their children “taste” it, just to know it wasn´t good for them (it is like sinning “once”, to keep on sinning up to get some satisfaction). I never asked her if her husband was a drug smoker... I´m thinking -now- that something was wrong after she got divorced, because she got an operation in her head this year (2013) and her doctors found a tumor...

I will be sick (or dead) any day, and sometimes these experiences come for sins. My dad died before his time and my grandmother suffered a lot; while I myself experienced dozens of asthmatic crisis before adolescence.