I´d liked to share this, briefly
(material to check later on):
I
met someone at one of my clients who is a pastor. I saw her something rare, I
liked her (and she helped me know I was also liked) so, the rest could be
predicted.
I
spent some time being known and accepted. She did the best she could to allow
me to be accepted (and known) by her children (20, 17 and 15).
She
said I was approved by them (though I knew I needed no approval, except hers).
One
of those days there was an issue and I tried to intervene and she said:
"Allow me to sort this..." So I knew it wasn´t
my problem, but hers (and theirs).
Soon
I knew many of their problem (They long for a family... and a father). The
older made her mother to believe I was "OK", but I knew he sees her
"dates" as a mean to get sorted the economic aspect he thinks his
mother has to sort to keep on helping him, financially. (A wrong thing).
Her
daughter, of 17, is engaged with a good boy, same age and, she was the hardest
person to be "won" to received the approval "my" friend
thought I needed (I don´t
know why she thought I needed their children approval, but they never molested
me -or US- during this short courting process.
Victor
(15) was jealous. Knowing it I did the best I could to help him (because my mom
had too many men wooing around, my childhood). He, any moment, as his mother
told me, helped her to know she was in love -she fell in love- but I knew her
children concern and also their basic needs when I slept in their home (Victor
really cared for her mother´s
needs and felt jealous when she asked me to give a massage on her back).
As
a grown up child I know we don´t
like more men teasing around our mothers. We are clever enough MANY are just
seeking sex and not pursuing real love (though we want to receive gift$, as the
attention (or affection) those "lovers" could show in behalf of us,
as her children).
I
remember I wanted my father came back to my mother´s
life... I remember she came to visit him, sometime before he died and I thought
to myself: "I hope they come home, at last". (That NEVER happen).
I´m sure if a man or a woman wants to
build a home, they would include their children (Both, man´s and hers).
We,
as kids, are like those pets teasing around, just to be sure or mom is
"safe" or "controlled", but I have seen adults set their
own limits and few enjoy those limitations: Those children set and those adults
set, for their sake.
I´m convinced the less children we have
got, to re-marry, is an asset. The more we have got... more problems, and these
are not economics solely.
One
of my siblings had faced troubles these past days... This weekend I saw her
husband is couping with her daughter (AT LAST) and it made me to feeel happy
that she has got the family she has largely dreamed: It was that he wanted his
son to be above all she had and also wanted her daughter to leave them alone...
He was afraid and freaky jealous!
I
remember that, when I was married, my own children spoiled my
"private" intimacy. I wanted time to be with her and these 3 were
teasing around, without sleeping and I got bored waiting MY TIME to be with her
(no wonder when we -men- do our thing to be slept).
I
don´t want to remember
the time I spoke on that issue to my ex (she always contradicted me, so I
left).
Limits
are to be set to enjoy life and homie life. If any spouse lacks that
understanding, dissatisfaction would knock at their doors...
Eros
needs it room, its privacy for both couples, though kids like to ignore parent´s rules (and human needs).
The
sad thing is time goes by and. somehow, we feel we have left too much (for
nothing). :)
